Terri Hoover Part 1
HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSS AND ADDICTION
TERRI HOOVER EPISODE 1
INTRO
KELLY
We all experience pain in our lives, and we all deal with it in different ways. It can feel lonely at times, because it’s hard to find someone who will be honest about what they’ve been through. Sometimes, though, a rare soul will come along and share their experience - and how they dealt with it, whether good or bad.
TERRI
I burned all my bridges girl I torched them up as I went
KELLY
Terri Hoover, a fiery woman with spiked hair, is honest on a whole different level.
TERRI
Add sever ties with my mom I had severed ties with pretty much everybody I was so crazy drinking intravenous drugs anything I could get my hands on
KELLY
Terri has been to rock bottom and back several times. From a wild childhood to getting married at 16 to all kinds of addiction and loss, Terri has seen it all, and she’s here to tell her story.
On this episode of Qavah, we hear from someone who seems to have the secret to facing all kinds of hardship - and she’s here to share it with us.
(Music: Theme music)
This episode of Qavah the Podcast was sponsored by Horton & Archibald - whether business transactions, business disputes, or personal legal matters, the lawyers at Horton & Archibald provide guidance and strategy for effective solutions.
For more information about sponsorship, please visit our website, Qavah Podcast.com
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE REDNECK?
BODY
TERRI
I didn’t know I my family was redneck I didn’t know I was.
KELLY
Terri grew up in Marshall, Texas, a small town about two hours east of Dallas.
TERRI
Small town it was very country which of the time I didn’t know that very redneck
You don’t know what you don’t know that’s really what it was I didn’t know what I didn’t know yeah I grew up and my father was him a welder my mom didn’t work and she you know took care of us so we always struggled because if the union said you didn’t work you didn’t work so you drug up that’s what they called that so they would drag up and they wouldn’t work for a while until they worked out their whatever their differences were with the powers that be so there were times that food was scarce I do remember one time when I was about seven or eight because I was in school already somebody brought food to our house and I don’t know if it was a church or some kind of a charity or something and My mom says she doesn’t remember that but I do so I don’t know why maybe I’m crazy but I remember somebody bring my food to our house when my dad wasn’t working. My dad died when I was 10.
I lived in Marshall till I was 18 and then I moved about 20 minutes away to Longview
HOW TO DEAL WITH LOSING A HUSBAND
KELLY
At eighteen years old, Terri packed her bags and left her hometown, following a loss that no teenager should ever have to live through.
TERRI
Well I got married when I was 16. I thought I was pregnant and I am so the guy said well then let’s get married and so we did and I actually wasn’t pregnant and which I told him right before the wedding and he was like hey let’s just do it so we did it and young and stupid he was 18 I was 16 he got killed about a year and a half almost 2 years later in a car accident
KELLY
Hearing Terri speak about death, you’d think it’s as normal as the sun coming up every day. For whatever reason, she was familiar with death and loss starting from a very young age.
dealing with loss
TERRI
You know I’m always amazed I meet with people and they’ll go I’ve never been to a funeral and they’re like 20 and I’m like what how could that be so cause we had buried so many people in my family by the time I was 20 it was crazy.
So I was out on my own and then when he got killed I if I could’ve spun out any more crazy I was more crazy after that he got killed than even before. I was just trying to fill this big hole in my system I guess.
I had quit high school because I was so smart because I didn’t need school so I was really smart then but anyway I was bartending waiting tables I was selling pot I really had a big bag of pot In the back of my vehicle and was selling pot out of the back of the track so my stepfather was a police officer so you know it was known who I was and small town kind of stuff and I got away with a lot of stuff I think
STOLE MY DRUGS
KELLY
Terri’s reputation followed her around for some time, until finally she ran headlong into an intervention.
TERRI
one of the girls that I was Staying with because I never really had like a cat was like a vagabond moving around one of the girls I was staying with stole some of my drugs so I got into this issue with the guy who had fronted me the dope and a basically he threatened to kill me so I called my aunt who had no children and the only person in the family who had money and I said I need help and she’s like who is this because I really didn’t have much of a relationship with her so I told her my story and I can remember we were at a gas station at the outskirts of Longview and she pulled up in her white Cadillac and she said get in so I get in and so basically she told me if I help you you’ll come move in with me you will go to school you will get off drugs and get clean and I was like I can do that at that point I was terrified for my life and I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.
KELLY
And usually, this is the part of the story where things turn toward the sunny side. Terri’s aunt saved the day, right?
Well, there were a lot more days ahead.
TRIED TO MOLEST ME
TERRI
I moved in with her and her husband and who by the way had tried to molest me when I was much younger so I moved into their house and it just started another chapter of that and at that point because of my craziness he had told me nobody would believe you even if you tell and that was true I knew that because I’ve been such a liar a drug addict a crazy so I just had to keep my mouth shut basically
For a long time they bought me cars and clothes and you know whatever and she had no idea and one night we were at the neighbors house it was a little old lady name Messy we were at Messy’s house They lived in the middle of nowhere like you couldn’t see your house from their house so we were at Messy’s house and said I have to go out of town and we need you to do some things around the house and I said no I can’t stay in there I can’t stand there and messy and all her old wisdom said what’s going on and I spilled my guts and immediately I was expelled from the home but I will say this my aunt got me an apartment and move me out of the house and so she move me into a safe place and so that is put a weird twist twist into our family dynamics they divorced years later. I don’t think she had any idea I think it was a shocker she worked a lot of hours and so
So I was 18,19 I guess At that point you know I had nothing I had nowhere to go I had no money other than my bartending money I had no nobody who really believed in me at that point you know
NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME
KELLY
So Terri moved into an apartment in Longview and tried to start a new chapter of her life.
TERRI
I was trying to go to school and work and party you know it’s hard to get all of that in into a day. I quit selling pot at that point so there was one life lesson stop selling dope so that was good
I did that for years and I was just such a hot mess do you know the crazy thing is God just keeps putting people in my life that would love on me anyway even after I tried to burn their bridges in their clothes and anything else I can remember I had a boss one time at this bar and I I had been up for days on I don’t know what Coke or something I went to work that night he knew when I walked in he was like you probably don’t need to work and I was like oh my gosh I have to work I’m like blah blah well then I started I decided drinking was going to bring me down boy did it by the time the night went on I was you didn’t need me waiting tables I was crazy so they locked me in an office and I destroyed his office and so after work he sent me down and said you’re going to rehab he put me in rehab the next day So he was great you know what most bosses would’ve just had you arrested but he put me in rehab and I did rehab I’ve done rehab a few times back then you know some shorts and long. He’s a potential I guess I wish I could find him now and say hey I survived
KELLY
And she did survive. After cycling in and out of rehab several times, Terri finally got to the point where she was able to bartend while sober. She continued staying strong until one day, she found the hardest drug she’d ever tried to shake.
THE WORST DRUG
TERRI
I can remember my mom calling me and it’s just saying Terry you’ve got to let Go know this is the worst drug This is the worst drug you’ve ever been addicted to it truly was that bad
I was working at this place in this bartender came to town they were training for a new place that was opening and so I got the job so this girl was training me and she said I live in Arlington if you’re ever there why don’t you come visit me I showed up at pretty sure she was like oh my gosh I was kidding And I slept on our couch for months and finally she had two roommates and her roommates were just over me and I was a mess I mean I was sober but I was still like free loading mess and she came in one day and said I got you a job and so you start next week and I was like OK and she said you have to wear her uniform and I was like a uniform she got me a job at a bar called Studebaker’s so I had to wear at a cheerleader costume whatever my favorite job I work that job for like for five years and traveled train bartenders all over the country I love that job but again I can ruin anything given the opportunity and the state of mind I am meant my boss and filled madly in love and thought I was going to die if I didn’t have him and it was like all oil in fire it was just anyway we got married this should’ve been the opening statement of life I wore a black wedding dress that she just said everything when you say right there so we got married were married about six months and and I got pregnant and he said oh no I don’t wanna baby so he left me and I was six months pregnant we worked in the bar scene he ran Dallas Ally at that point A big bar conglomerate and he told me that I would not work in our industry again and after I had my baby I could not get a job nobody would hire me because everybody knew that it was such a it was a volatile divorce I mean like stocking not him me he was the dress drug after ever tried to get off that I’m not even kidding he was the worst drug of ever tried to kick I would go to every place he would be I could just tell you story after story of craziness
I have a baby at that point and we’re trying to share custody. Oh yeah I was that person that mother that uses your child as a pawn I just wanted that man I wanted that man more than I wanted that baby at certain points I was that crazy and the more I wanted him in the more I went after what I wanted the more he pulled back I’m sure he sought crazy with a K and said I got to get out of here and he told all his friends he told anybody he would listen I’m sure i’m sure he just if he could’ve moved away he probably would have but he couldn’t because he had a child and you know part of that was just being a man and he was going to stand his ground and that lasted so long my mom I can remember my mom calling me and it’s just saying Terry you’ve got to let Go know this is the worst drug This is the worst drug you’ve ever been addicted to it truly was that bad I would call her crying I wanted to commit suicide I’m gonna shoot myself you know I’m gonna I’m a do myself in I was so crazy for this guy and he was so not crazy for me
KELLY
After all that time fighting to be sober, Terri found herself hooked once again. Unlike the people who had come along to free Terri from her addictions, this man kept feeding the fire.
TERRI
I mean and he would come back and want to spend the night and take me somewhere or do something or whatever . And I think oh my gosh we’re going to be a family again and he would call me back for days and days and days until it was his time to pick up my little boy and so of course then there was the stuff with my child and it would be his weekend and he have a date so he wouldn’t come get him so then the babysitter would call me so we were on this emotional erratic roller coaster and so then enters Tom Hoover
KELLY
Tom Hoover was unlike anyone Terri had ever met. Once he entered her life, Terri began to learn who she truly was.
TERRI
my girlfriends and I went out dancing one night and saw this handsome cowboy and I was like I got to meet him
so I went and talk to him and we just hit it off from the minute we had the first conversation and we went to a restaurant that night after the bar we talked for hours and at the end he said he goes by the way I’m moving to Houston I was like what so he moved to Houston he was gone not very long a few months he finally called and said you know I am in love with you and I think we can make this work but he didn’t know that he was still fighting against my ex-husband because I was still trapped in that even at that point I’m not sure if my ex-husband would’ve come back I would’ve said I would’ve dropped everything because I was still so addicted to that craziness and Tom is a saint I’ll just say he’s a saint for putting up with me we got married and after several incidences my ex-husband and I got along pretty well now this point Jake is like five almost 6 my ex-husband and I got to a point where we could get along well Enough for us to be in the same room and make sure that Jake was the most important person in the room and it was no longer about us completely and then we had a big Rall about my ex about bringing Jake home and he wanted me to drive into Dallas to pick him up and we live way out in the country and I was like that was that’s not the deal that’s not what the paper say and whatever so it became this big fight on the phone and I want so he brought them home but when he got to the house my husband at the Tom now ask my ex-husband to come sit down so he sat us down in the garage like babies like teenagers and said this is no longer about you you are breaking your child’s heart what are you doing and he said from here on out I will be the middleman and you are not allowed to talk to each other until you can act like adults and that’s the nut shell that’s not exactly what he said but that’s Internet shit what he said and my ex has been agreed and I agreed and he became our mediator the next few years were so amazing for Jake for once in his life he didn’t have to worry about our mom and dad having a fight about this or is dad not gonna show up because he’s mad at mom you know what I’m saying all the sudden Tom was a hero and you know Tom Tom arranged every weekend he arranged every meeting every soccer game whatever we had going on he arranged it it was the best thing that we could’ve done until we could be adults and it was hard here I was at that point I had to be 30 and I was still so stupid about this person you know I’ll let him control my emotions and that’s not his fault that was mine I let him control my emotions I was crazy even after all those years it was crazy I look back now and I can literally say I was crazy I mean you talk about crazy love like I don’t even know that I could call Love it was a crazy addiction
Jake loved Tom and Tom treated him like his own and he was very normal which was really weird for me and I was it was an usual and it was weird for me I was like you’re so normal are you not going to drink beer before we go here are you not going to get in a fistfight at a at a family gathering I mean I came from a crazy family and all those things didn’t happen every time we went but when I was growing up it was not an usual for my dad or my uncle or someone to there be a lot of beer drink at a lot of things sad you know it wasn’t always fisticuffs there are usually words we have to leave because we don’t know what he’s
gonna say now
A STABLE LIFE
KELLY
It took some time for Terri to get used to this new normal. Tom was more stable than anyone in her life had ever been.
TERRI
I just couldn’t even get in pushing to be ugly I was like what’s wrong with you. I couldn’t figure it out I was like I want more of that
KELLY
It turned out that Tom was the one with the secret to making it through the craziness of life.
DO YOU GO TO CHURCH
TERRI
you know he asked me one week the first night we met if if I went to church I guess his way of asking me if I was a believer and I was like and I’m thinking what is my answer because I did not grow up in church and I had only been to church one time in the last 20 years and that was with the hairdresser lady that I had met and it was at Lake pointe and he asked me if I went to church and I said yes because I wanted this man and he went to church and obviously that was important or he wouldn’t ask me so I was like yes and so he said well ok weeks go by and he’s in Houston he comes back to visit and he goes let’s go to your church and I was like OK let’s do Well, this is not even a joke I’m like so we happen to live I happen to live pretty close to Lake pointe so I said it’s just right down the street so let’s go what I failed to remember is when you go into the front doors of the old church there’s doors on both sides of the hallway in church it already started because we were late and it had already started and I could hear the music and I didn’t know which stores to go in so I was Like I was slow I slowed my roll when we got down the hallway thank God somebody open the door and I was like here we go we just went right in and Pastor Steve was talking about the 12 steps of AA and I was like oh my gosh We’re home
AA
KELLY
For the first time in her life, Terri found herself in a room full of people just like her - who were also full of hope.
TERRI
I mean I just knew that first time I walked and I was like this guy’s real and so I did not I own up to that for a long very long time I was about not about to tell Tom that I didn’t go to church So I know at that time he was still living in Houston so it wasn’t a discussion all the time anything so you know when you want something bad enough you’ll do what you Gotta do to do it we begin to attend Lake pointe Tom move back we moved in together we live together in sin for a year before before we got married and then we went to Lake pointe every weekend
at that time I’m doing here I’m a hairdresser I had this lady that I had been doing for several years in the love love loved her and her has been was a Nazarene preacher and he wasn’t preaching anymore they were older so Tom reached out to them and asked if they would marry us or he would marry us and at that point I had been pretty scarred from being married I really didn’t want to get married but it was a big deal to Tom so I went and got a marriage license and I just kept putting it off and put it off and putting it off and I would say things like you know why do we need to get married now why are we going mess this up it’s just a piece of paper all those things And Tom showed up at my hair salon one afternoon with the preacher with a dress in a suitcase and everything you need for a wedding and so my staff at the time where are attendance and the preacher in Jake and I got married in the middle of my hair salon after doing hair.
OUTRO
KELLY
Tom chased Terri down, despite all of her excuses, and they’ve spent their lives together ever since that day.
Terri would tell you that she still had a lot to learn about love. The next episode of Qavah has even more twists and turns in store for Terri. This wild ride through life is far from over.
(Music: Theme music)
