Terri Hoover Part 2

Terri Hoover: A Testimony of Faith and Transformation

TERRI HOOVER EPISODE 2

INTRO

KELLY

Terri Hoover, ladies and gentlemen. She’s been through hell and back. In fact, the road is pretty familiar to her by now.

She’s lost a dad and a husband. She’s been hurt by people who said they would help. She’s been in and out of rehab for every drug you can name. 

TERRI

I had severed ties with pretty much everybody I was so crazy drinking intravenous drugs anything I could get my hands on

KELLY

Now she’s a single mom, running a hair salon and daydreaming about a man who recently appeared in her life out of nowhere. A man who adopted Terri and her little boy Jake, and cared for them like no one had.

TERRI

A few months he finally called and said you know I am in love with you and I think we can make this work

KELLY

And one day, this man walks into the hair salon and changes Terri’s life forever.

Journey Through Addiction and Recovery

TERRI

Tom showed up at my hair salon one afternoon with the preacher with a dress in a suitcase and everything you need for a wedding

KELLY

This episode of Qavah is all about a new chapter in Terri’s life, a chapter defined by a man named Tom Hoover.

Marriage and Faith

TERRI

so my staff at the time where are attendance and the preacher in Jake and I got married in the middle of my hair salon after doing hair.

Jake loved Tom and Tom treated him like his own and he was very normal which was really weird for me and I was it was an usual and it was weird for me I was like you’re so normal are you not going to drink beer before we go here are you not going to get in a fistfight at a at a family gathering I mean I came from a crazy family and all those things didn’t happen every time we went but when I was growing up it was not an usual.

I just couldn’t even get in pushing to be ugly I was like what’s wrong with you. I couldn’t figure it out I was like I want more of that

KELLY

For Terri, this was like learning how to walk again. Everyone in her life since childhood had been explosive and unpredictable. Even the father of her child, Jake, had played with her heart time and time again. But now Tom was gentle, patient, and kind. Like still waters.

And he arrived just in time. Nothing could have prepared them for what happened next.

TERRI

enter stage left Gage Hoover that was the biggest shock shocker eye-opener whatever you want to call it pregnancy was great everything was fine no complications go weird it’s Tom’s first baby and we go in and we’re very excited Tom WAS really excited 

he’s already got the dreams that gage just gonna be a baseball player and all these things and we go in and Gage is born and they take him away and they didn’t bring him back getting later and later

and so finally the OB comes in and she says I need to talk to y’all we think your baby has down syndrome

PARENTING A CHILD WITH DOWN SYNDROME

KELLY

In that moment, the thrill and joy of having their first baby together crashed headlong into these two words. “Down syndrome.”

What did it mean? 

TERRI

I’m like what is down syndrome because like I didn’t even know I had never really seen anyone with down syndrome except on TV that life goes on so I’m like what that can’t be so I can remember  it was pouring rain and he had holes in his heart they did they could tell something was going as heart and they could they didn’t know at that time he had been born with no anal opening and those are like the big things and so I’m like how do you know how can you just look at him and tell I was just in shock not to mention I just had a baby so after everybody leaves and it’s quiet it’s pouring rain and Tom sitting on the little setee and I’m in the bed and I’m crying and Tom said I said Oh my gosh we’re going to head to have a kid at home for the rest of our lives And Tom said I know isn’t that great?! What that tells you how opposite we have always been but I could only see the glass half full and he always says it I can only see it half empty and he can only see it half full and that’s always been the story of our relationship

KELLY

In every cell in the human body there is a nucleus, where genetic material is stored in genes. Genes carry the codes responsible for all of our inherited traits and are grouped along rod-like structures called chromosomes. Typically, the nucleus of each cell contains 23 pairs of chromosomes, half of which are inherited from each parent. Down syndrome occurs when an individual has a full or partial extra copy of chromosome 21.

This additional genetic material changes a person’s developmental process and causes the characteristics of Down syndrome. A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm – although each person with Down syndrome is unique and may possess these characteristics to different degrees, or not at all.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately one in every 700 babies in the United States is born with Down syndrome, making Down syndrome the most common chromosomal condition. About 6,000 babies with Down syndrome are born in the United States each year. And on this particular year, Gage Hoover was one of them.

It was a lot to take in. But Gage wasted no time in showing Terri and Tom why he’d entered their life.

TERRI

oh my gosh Gage Hoover Gage Hoover is probably the first person that taught us unconditional love I mean I can say Jake taught me unconditional love Jake taught me how to love when you have that first baby and your man is nowhere it’s just you and him you learn true love but when Gage came along it was unconditional love it was like this is a broken little vessel that God has given me to take care of and I was like what we were in the NICU for 10 days and God placed amazing people in there normally in the nicu they move the nurse every day because I don’t want them to get it to attached to the babies

And there happen to be a drug addict girl who had had several babies and she had just had a set of twins and just left him and said the grandmother had come to the hospital and asked the hospital I  one nurse to work in that pod so these babies would have somebody to connect to And that happened to be Sandi Hoffman and the day we found out because at that time it took like days to figure out if for the test for sound down syndrome so six days in they came in and said your baby for sure has Down syndrome and so Tom I can’t remember why I was standing there by myself Tom had walked I can’t remember why I was by myself but I was just inconsolable Sandy comes in and she sits down with me and she says can I tell you a story and I said sure and she said you know I had a little boy and he always had learning difficulties and she said you know he didn’t have down syndrome but he was just a little slower and she said when he got into high school and he came to me and his last do you have school he said they want me to go to trade school and he goes I don’t want to go to trade school and she said what do you want to do and he said I want to go to college and she said then you will and she said and we studied and we studied and we studied and she goes you know what my send us now and she goes he teaches special-needs at blah blah blah blah School and When the little kids come to him and say Mr. Hoffman you don’t understand and he says oh but I do and so that gave me some hope and she said you know Terri you you may be the only person who put limitations on this child and so I learned very early on I never told Gage no I’ll say look it up or let’s investigate it or whatever because you know I just don’t put limits on he can do whatever he wants to do

RAISING CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

KELLY

This wisdom stayed with Terri through all of the confusion that came with raising Gage, along with Jake and now another little girl - the daughter of Terri’s struggling cousin.

TERRI

my oldest cousin had three kids and she was struggling with drug and alcohol addiction all kinds of stuff and she called me at one day and said will you take my one of my girls and I said well I need to talk to my husband and he’s never met you or any of my people so I don’t know so we ended up had Jake and then we adopted not adopted we took in Lacey That was a whole emotional roller coaster for all of us mostly for Lacey but Lacey lived with us for almost 2 years 

KELLY

Terri probably saw a little of her past self in her cousin, so welcoming Lacey into their home was a no brainer. But parenting three children, while navigating the challenges of raising Gage, was no holiday. The toughest part for Terri and Tom turned out to be learning to lean on each other.

TERRI

Well since Gage was born with no anal opening we had colostomy changing of colostomies then we had to gage had to have open heart surgery he had to have surgery where they tried to attach to sphincter muscle to his anal opening which was nonexistent so there was a whole lot of stuff behind the scenes on that physical therapy and stuff there’s a whole lot of anger and frustration and that we take out on each other on a daily basis our deal was always from day one we would never use the DWORD and we will try to not to fight in front of our kids we can disagree but there’s no screaming yelling so that was always our deal because you know I’m on my third marriage I’m done after this I’m not doing this again and he’s on his second one we are decided we’re not gonna be give up easy on this and we’re not gonna use the DWORD but I have to tell you frustrations were very high a lot with all the health stuff Laceys and fortunately Lacey’s mother was not in a healthy state of mind and she kept Lacey upset and so there was always stuff which she never ever talk to me and my husband the whole time we had her child

KELLY

There’s just no telling what life is going to bring. You think your marriage is going to be awful, but your husband ends up being too good to be true. You think your second child will be a breeze, then he’s born with Down syndrome. You think church people are too perfect for you, but instead they’re the perfect kind of love and care that will get you through the insanity of life.

A lot of conflict as trying to figure out what was the best thing and then of course we only had temporary custody so we couldn’t do a whole lot and she wouldn’t give us full custody and so it kept Lacey strung out and mess up and so two years in Lacey goes home to see her mother for her birthday and she decides not to come back and that’s the day the mother decided to call me and tell me that we had been terrible parents and that Lacey doesn’t wanna be with us anymore and so that was I’m used to mass that side of the family in that kind of stuff and so it was not a huge shock for me to say those things to me because it was not a huge shop for me it hurt Tom deeply deeply because Tom had given his all he gave 110% and this kid walked away and at this time she’s 13 and that’s a hard age anyway she walked away and she just she wants her mama and we talk to CPS and we had a sweet and whatever other children and another time CPS says they just want to be with their parents they’ll do anything to be with their parents the CPS worker said I’ve seen them beat them do horrible things to them but they’ll do anything to get back to them so don’t take that personal it’s hard not to so anyway we had that on top of all of that 

KELLY

Now, Terri had seen a lot. But this season was bringing all kinds of chaos that was wearing her thin. Tom, on the other hand, seemed to have this unshakable faith through it all. And Terri was realizing that she didn’t have whatever that was.

TERRI

Tom was a strong believer I thought it was I thought I I thought I had a relationship with God but what I didn’t realize was a relationship is more of a two-way street and I was just always asking for some thing kind of a genie in the bottle thing I just always wanted what he could do for me and then when he didn’t do I’d be upset and I was like what kind of God is that that doesn’t give me that job or or let me have that truck or you know whatever it is and so I stayed angry at God a lot And so when things weren’t going well in the marriage I was like really mad at God and so and we were still going to church regularly involved in a class the whole thing but I’m still honestly I’m just manipulating god that’s what I’m doing I’m just trying to get him to do things my way well thank God the world is not run by Terri but anyway I’m sitting in church one I guess it was one night because we started going Saturday night sitting in church one night and I don’t remember the sermon or anything but it hit me like a Ton of bricks I am not saved I do not know Jesus And so I have been baptized when I was like 10 or 11 probably 11 or 12 maybe anyway so I went I’m walking out of church and I ran into Pastor Steve’s mother and I pulled her to the side and I said OK I don’t think I’m a believer and she’s like Terry let’s talk about this and I said OK and we talked and I said how are you been baptized I can’t get baptized again and she said do you know I’ve been baptized twice and I was like the pastors mother so that kind of gave me the OK so you’re not crazy so that was a huge change from me

in the beginning it was so like God had placed a lot of really cool lighters in my Bible study that I was going to and people that had a lot of grace for me and a lot of Mercy for me I am gosh the Birdsongs The tices and a lot of core people in that original group that we got into walked along beside us and loved on us  and prayed for us and Our inner craziness and I’m like you know when I was growing up I didn’t want to go to church because I thought everybody was was that perfect little Pollyanna Moroles and I didn’t want that that was not how I was raise first of all I knew they would never accept me for who I was when I was raise and so to me because they wouldn’t I figured Jesus and God were that way too Why would they want me if these ladies are not want to accept me. And so when I met these other ladies I was like oh my gosh they’re like me small town girls screwed up and found Jesus and you think you find Jesus and everything it’s great it doesn’t like it’s just now have somewhere to turn and someone is on my side all the time with her and see him not you can’t see him you just have to trust and the years have just shown me that you know if I just trust in him that it all works out for what’s best it’s just that waiting waiting is the hard part the waiting on gages all of health problems the waiting on is Lacey ever going to speak to me again The waiting on the uncle that molested you is that ever going to be rectified the waiting on is Tom ever gonna get better? Just that waiting

KELLY

She had finally found Tom’s secret. (Go on to talk about Qavah, waiting, weaving together, etc.)

And the best part was, now she could live in that peace with a group she would never have dreamed of.

TERRI

You know the first three years we went to Lake pointe we just went to church and we didn’t go to a small group and we would just sit in the big church and then with Leap and we’d sit in the big church and we leave and we didn’t know anybody and so when Gage was born they walked in to tell us he’s got down syndrome I’m sobbing I told Tom I said you need to call the church and he said for what I said I don’t know but but my mamaw always called the charge when was something was wrong and I know that’s what you’re supposed to do and that was exactly what I said and he goes well you call that and I was like OK so I called the church and this sweet lady answered the phone and I said sobs he said are you OK and she said where are you and I said I’m at Baylor she said tell me what’s going on and I finally got it all out and I told her she said I’m I’ll send somebody over there first thing to in the morning and I said OK and here 

comes Mr. Gordon Thomas Mr. Gordon Thomas came and he came every dand say when we were in the hospital and he would pray with us and he would just love on that baby and he would love on Tom and all my gosh what a great man he was and that was my first picture of the church

So Gage was about six weeks old and I said ready go back to church I want to go to a small group and we had just moved from the small church to the big church in Rockwall and so that was our first third back in the big church we’ve never been so we got there and no I guess the first word was at the old church that matter anyway we got there and the people in the nursery where the Stroope’s pastors parents and they gave her a colostomy bag and she’s like give me that baby we’re trying to explain to her and she’s like give me that baby I got the baby give me the baby anyway Tom was terrified I was just ready for a break and we handover the baby and we go to the church and you know Tom was just worried sick through the whole deal and we get there and Gage was perfectly fine except for his colostomy bag was that big and so she didn’t know how to do that but you know she knew how to love him and that she knew how to change his diaper if he teeteed whatever and she knew how to feed him I was what we needed at that point so we could go to church oh my gosh that just open doors for us that that I never dreamed

KELLY

As the Hoover family spent more time with the church and its people, the light contrasted with the darkness. Terri began to see that she had passed her pain and confusion on to little Jake, who had grown up during some of the hardest parts of his mom’s life. Being part of this church, however, meant that Terri could pass on her healing to Jake too. 

TERRI

I didn’t raise my child in church he had no all he knew was like when something bad would happen I would say why does God let this happen and so his only reference point of reference was mom thinking that everything bad is caused by but God

so the first time we got there we got there and he was like I’m not going in and I said why not and he said God’s in there and I was like he is in there he’s like I don’t want to go in there

Nell strong came out and she’s like hey buddy and she sat down on the The stairs and she said do you have a puppy and he started talking and she said to mom and dad by there going to go to church and he sat there with her and I’m telling you every week he couldn’t wait to get there and she still at her church

KELLY

Three years went by, and the Hoovers welcomed a new member of their family.

TERRI

they asked me when I was pregnant if I want to do a test to see if he was down syndrome so I could be prepared and I just busted out laughing how can you get prepared for that even when I after I’ve had one I don’t think I could get prepared for another one and besides whatever happens is what God God‘s got in store for me Eli comes long and he’s perfectly perfect you know there’s nothing wrong with him until he gets the first grade any so ADHD he can’t sit down you know that was just always our struggle with him is just the ADHD in the impulsiveness and he’s big fun

KELLY

After three years of doing life with kind people, working on a healthy marriage, and learning how to find a new rhythm, the home that Eli was born into was a home of stability. It wasn’t perfect, but it was safe.

TERRI

what a view that as when I was growing up like some kind a Pollyanna leave it to Beaver kind a house that’s not how our house ran like you’re running out the door I’m a gosh I forgot my your lunch what do you mean you forgot your lunch get in the car where is your shoes why are you doing that

It’s real life in color in living color so I wouldn’t call it the perfect Christian home though. we have a support group that’s a bigger thing for us you know when things go wrong and you can’t go to the school or whatever you call Karen can you pick up my kids thank God for the support system through the church

HEALING THROUGH CHURCH COMMUNITY

TERRI

You know I think in dark times you have those kind of thoughts for the most part if you get up every day and you do what you Gotta do I don’t sit around and dwell on it when I tell people my story then they’re like oh my gosh how does that all happened in one person and these are just like the highlights I mean I got a lot of Low lights that I can share

You know I don’t think about it that I just get up every day and put 1 foot in front of the other and do what I Gotta do and I don’t have time if you really sat down and thought about anybody anybody sits down and if you put so much thought into all the things that happened to you good God had to get out of bed today

KELLY

Terri now had a dream team that would stay by her side through the hardest chapter yet, one that would make her question everything she knew.

Outro