Episode 2: Lydia Nimbeshaho (pt 2)
LYDIA NIMBESHAHO Part 2
Resilience and Faith After the
Rwandan Genocide
KELLY
On the last episode of Qavah, we visited with Lydia Nimbeshaho, who survived the horrific Rwandan genocide in 1994. After her parents were killed, she and her siblings went to live in an orphanage with other survivors.
Intro
KEllY
Lydia had no idea how much she would later miss this community of people who shared her trauma.
After living at the orphanage, she and her two siblings were moved from place to place until they one day found themselves on their own.
LYDIA
when I was 14 I think it was around 14 that’s when the family when I was away living at mine we were asked to go raise ourselves so I was 14 with my other sister who was maybe was four years older than me and she was about to begin the University my other sibling the same place where we grew up in our house to take care of ourselves nobody has a job nobody has anything we’re just here as kids taken care of ourselves
KA wow so it’s the oldest 3
LN
KA So you were able to go to school during this time during this time
LN Yeah yeah grateful that the government had in place in organization to support survivors it’s called a Nager data it’s in French if it’s a support survivors so that’s how I was able to go to school and school to be an elementary school and high school so we were able to access education for free like high school and elementary school
KA oh ok so you and your siblings are living in a home just so yourselves and how do you have money for food does the government provide for that or is that just family
LN No to be honest it’s like living by far away as you know we had the older sister try to survive visiting people that we know you’re not asking them for help if we have nothing we try to ask neighbors to see if we can’t eat anything it’s like you’re living you’re surviving you don’t know if you’re going to eat or not I don’t know I can’t tell you how survive there are many kids there so yeah
KA wow
LN But thank God we were in boarding school boarding school or like public school but we have to leave to the school to go leave the school and during that time we’re at school and we eat food from School so there’s no program but when you go home education just stay home they have to be on your own and you know my older sister would be struggling trying to see what we can eat yeah that’s
KA you’re able to eat while you’re at school and so that helps a little bit OK wow so did you graduate from high school
LN Yeah I did I did graduate from high school my siblings as well yeah we were grateful
KELLY
Lydia lived her life as normally as she could, but her burden was heavy, and she carried it alone.
Trauma Recovery
LYDIA
KA and so um did you have any anyone that helped you would like with counseling or anything like that to help you deal with your trauma?
LN Not at all not only that you know you have to understand that since counseling is something new in our country before the genocide you know we have our ways of living socializing in within with your families you know somehow it was a peaceful even if there were other issues going around me no but we had people around us you know in our culture unit songs that professional counseling that wasn’t really something we understood I remember when I went to the museum to Dallas Museum of Holocaust and Himan Rights do you know visiting the exhibition center rewind this present time I was introduced to the book about Rwanda on the boy who was portrayed in that book there was doing art therapy with that one lady Who came right after the gym and tried to help kids feel trauma and I saw myself doing it but I didn’t know what it was I remember doing that after the genocide with this woman that I remember being white and understand the language but it was somebody expect me know what you do choose in the room and she would ask us asked me to draw what I remember happen anything I remember and I think now that I think that was therapy but I didn’t know what it was
KA Right right
LN So I didn’t get any counseling until I was 32 years old 31
KA Wow so you well that caring appear in a lot of sadness in your heart
Sibling Loss
KELLY
Some years later, Lydia experienced a new kind of death.
LYDIA
you don’t even know how you survive those things you know specially living in different houses different adoptions it’s like everything you lose who you are you lose your identity and one of the want to add that I regret I only regret it wasn’t my fault but something that that makes me sad is not having the opportunity to live with my siblings in the same house so somehow it’s painful because you have your siblings because you never got an opportunity to be together after genocide I want to tell you that last year I lost my sisters due to major depression my older sister the one who took care of us when we lost our parents and we saw her struggle for a long time and you understand with somebody who is the oldest of the family when you lose your parents automatically take the role of the parent that’s what she did physically mentally so her best and you know she’s she was an amazing woman a smart woman and hard-working lady but at the end of the day all the trauma the burden she carry do you know from the genocide 10 years old you know having that that burden on you it’s not easy and as were saying about counseling or something that we had access to in our countries when she started do you know having their behaviors due to the depression email different trauma that she went through we didn’t know what it was we didn’t know how to define that we didn’t know how to help her and you have to understand that if we try to help her she’s there all day she’s trying to protect us all the time she’s like I want you happy
Don’t think about myself she’s a very loving generous person and everybody before her before anything even when we grew up we can take care of ourselves she’s like no She’s like she’s calling are you OK are you happy that’s what I wanna know but she struggling also she had to cope with that you know she started using alcohol you know she did the alcohol addiction came in and it was we tried to text her We tried to tell her what to do tried to pray try to make process The only thing we know if she has a breakdown the only place we know to take her is the police station we don’t know what to do and imagine somebody struggling with a mental illness sometimes right now that I understand so I feel like you are a criminal or something but because the only place I know that’s the only thing we can do you know and there’s another therapist that someone because she’s a smart woman she could only do one therapist and that therapist was a survivor you know but suddenly he passed away. and she was like that guy was the only person who could understand me and nobody else is going to help me so right after every person we connect to help she would be like you know my therapist died and nobody else is going to assist you know he was a long battle in the time she started even getting that little help I believe that it was too late to even fix it that meant the damage was too huge and you know one of the things that you know breaks me so much last year when we went to her funeral we had to sit down I’ll say goodbye and I realize that all of us all of us siblings after 25 years that was the first time that we were sitting together 25 years imagine the only time you were getting to sit together in one room is one of you can’t tell one of you can’t say anything and you’re here remember it there is why you were sitting there is because of what you went through it’s a result of the impact of the genocide while many people like oh we have moved on as a country we have moved on still there we are still living those nightmares because we know dying from the impact and nobody can understand the damage and I was like at least if she can’t move we’re having this moment together in the fact that we were not able to bury our parents do you know what for us this is the day we buried our parents because in ways she she took the role of our parent years that we had a parent for us we’re burying our parents are you know more so the journey after the genocide even I feel now living in Canada I’m grateful I can have Access to different opportunities like counseling but sometimes you say things for a long time are used to have people I’m healed I good especially being a woman of faith, I’m a Christian you know I’m I’m gifted to be a hopeful person encoring the I have to slow down and I am like how do I do define my healing there’s no healing you know even if there is restoration you know to be able to stand up and working under people my siblings my other fellow survivors are still living these nightmares now it’s like email you having this opportunity attending therapy everything after how about others what’s going on because my sisters death has to wake up every single brokenness in me and I was grateful to be part of a school that provided free therapy and I was like at this point I was able to survive many things but I need help at this point I don’t wanna fight to get it but many people give the warning but can’t have it so it’s that I’m grateful for so many things who I’m becoming and everything but there’s a huge barrel many people focus on genocide self but the impact of after the genocide is it’s really tough
my other siblings there you know they are in Rwanda one is God has been faithful to us no matter what and we run late a Rwanda is very successful entrepreneur that’s my little sister also my younger brother who is an engineer and there’s also my youngest sibling you know he’s on there he’s a great artist designing things like that there’s also my older brother who lives here in Canada that he has a career in construction and also he’s A great artist as a passion myself here in Canada I’m grateful I have three kids 12 years old to four years old 2,3 boys one is 12 second is soon to be nine and the third is said to be five and also my husband I am working right now as a admin assistant program manage a company that is pharmaceutical company who helps patient to disease and also I am attending school working on my masters to to get a degree in counseling and clinical counseling
KELLY
As I listened to Lydia, I was overcome with profound admiration for her. I was in awe of how she had transformed her pain into purpose. For every wound she endured, it seemed Lydia fought even harder to bring healing and hope to others.
Beyond the Veil
LYDIA
I wanna help Rwandans see beyond their circumstances with a difference .
I have started a nonprofit organization called Beyond the Veil Maybe I’ll get a chance to talk about a bad ways to help people raising says something beyond the veil it’s a nonprofit organization that we are early stage of organization to raise awareness on mental health and it’s effect on Rwandans would being
KA that’s awesome you are taking Things that is so devastating to you and using your experience for others and that is amazing that you’re able to do that that your heart is for other people and so its called beyond the veil and where can that be found? Do you have a website or in a way that someone can reach out to you
LN so yes the website is in construction we hope by the end of October will be able to publish it our social platform the good news is that we have our publishing them tonight officially so that will be Facebook Instagram Twitter or YouTube channel as well so we are starting by to you know engaging with the Rwandan community hearing from them as I actually believe we are doing this for wanting people guess stories everybody wants to be heard and football with here for that yes
KA That’s awesome so tonight you’re all on social media you’ll be lied and people can’t reach you is it called be on the veil on every platform and Twitter and everything
LN Yes it’s beyond the veil
LN it is exciting and I I want to share my Message of hope I want to know beyond the veil in my life as well I think God has planted in my life it’s Hope no matter what we go through I would always feel like you know this moment it’s painful it’s down but that’s help so that’s the birth of beyond the veil beyond the veil by definition is the unknown state of death after life so And experiencing death is not just physical every single day people experience some tragic loss you know like divorce different stuff and that feel like death
LN I want to encourage everybody there’s always hope never lose hope even if you don’t have anybody at least more than 30 years we got any professional counseling support you have to look inside of yourself know that sometime you know healing a death experience because a death experience is a journey you have to walk alone nobody else is gonna come with you but at the end of the day when you are able to get there for sure you are gonna have like amazing people to support you but at some point of your life there’s issue your gonna have to walk alone and that’s what many people avoid to walking. So I encourage everybody but again you might not be able to access professional support but I encourage you to have like people that you can trust around you like find a place you feel safe and where there is hope and there is so if I can survive if I can go through all this and I can’t say there won’t be more challenges tomorrow but what keep me here my faith and hope is something very important in everybody’s life
KA yes absolutely and it shows your faith and hope show in your life and you have precious children that displaced such kindness so your doing a good job as a mom and I’m looking forward to seeing how Beyond the Veil affects your country that’s awesome
KELLY
After living through a kind of suffering that most of us will never know, Lydia has wisdom for everyone.
LYDIA
I want to tell people that healing healing is getting the ability to live after death and the think Beyond the Veil you know I have to think about the life of the butterfly so a butterfly is for example the monarch butterfly you know coming up of the cocoon if you can see the life of the caterpillar you know that transition there’s the moment the caterpillar might after dying it’s not going to turn now into a butterfly that’s how when we are struggling with anything we don’t know what’s happening tomorrow after losing my parents I don’t know what’s happening after losing my sister I don’t know what’s happening I’m not too sure if I’m going to be able to laugh again but I want to encourage everybody to have hope in the unknown life after death cause you know there’s life after death and if people can find a safe place to honor themselves to go through their transition to heal to be restored I truly believe that they get the ability to be able to fly again on their own
KELLY
When the inexplicable happens, life is not over. We may not have all the answers for why things happen to us, but Lydia’s story tells us that no matter what happens, life carries on. It continues. We do live past death. And when we allow life to carry on, the death we’ve experienced allows us to help others heal.
Rwanda Healing Prayers
Outro
Lydia requested the we play this song, which is a prayer for Rwanda. We join her in praying for healing.
Muririmbire Uwiteka
