Susie Larson

GOD MAKES A WAY

SUSIE LARSON

KA Well I am here today with Susie Larson and I'm so excited. Thank you so much for joining us on Qavah. And so what we do is generally go through people's lives. So Susie Would you like to share with us what your first memory is

SL Kelly Thanks for having me. First of all I have done more interviews than I can count, and no one has ever asked me that question. What a great first question. My first memory. It was good for me to remember this, when I was three years old, I when I was little girl I had crooked teeth and the worst Pixie haircut you can imagine. I mean I feel pity for myself. But my parents obsession a picture of us sitting on the kitchen table, and my ears are on my face and I was telling my parents, I am so precious. Like you are as if someone took a picture of that. That is three years old and has thought about it for years.

KA This week, so where did you grow up.

SL I grew up in Upper Midwest, Minnesota, family, having kids. 

KA Oh wow. So do you have any favorite childhood memories.

WHAT MAKES A FAMILY A FAMILY

SL You know I do have one question nobody's really ever asked me before but growing up. When we grew up seven kids were dad's the mayor of our city, which was kind of interesting. And that's one of the things that my parents were really good dancers. So one of the things they would do as kids. Friday nights often was they would move the furniture up kind of out of the living room and terrace up and they taught us all the oldies dances paired up the brothers and sisters and we did the sugar for them the jitterbug and all those things and there were times when the local police officers would come to our house to drop off the council minutes and they said they would see all of us kids like brothers would flip me around. That was such an amazing, amazing memory because to this day you know we're all married, I think there's probably 45 of us, to be honest with you, killing me burn up a dance floor. That was so amazing to me and a couple other things. My parents always made sure that we went up to this resort and cabin. A place where we would go stay for a week in the summer. And we did not have a ton of money and seemed like they empty their pockets for our summer vacation, family and then for our Christmases those are the most important. And so, my, my dad said that the resort only seven kids and every year are allowed to bring a friend.

And we would pull it in and watch how many people get up. We were showing it every day so we've been up to that resort years in a row.

So our kids are grown and so all siblings obviously are grown. And we all trek up there. So, they established a really important family together. Yeah and I wouldn't say I grew up in a mainstream Christian home. We grew up in a denomination where I knew God was real. I didn't really know Jesus was accessible. And so there was a sense I had a sense that God was real absolutely not really much more than that.

KA Wow. So, were there some significant experiences that you face that you'd like to share.

TRAUMA CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER

Yes, there were a couple of things happened, that really forever changed. They changed who I am and changed how I see the world, and one was nine years old, and some boys in the neighborhood pinned me down and ankles and wrists to the ground and I won't say more but sexual trauma experience. And I was nine years old and very confused about what happened or whose fault that was I didn't tell anybody but I can of fear and insecurity. I just wasn't sleeping at night. It was, It was trauma, as you can see. And then, when I was 10 years old. I was walking home from school alone, and cross this baseball field to get home, and some boys were hanging out in the dugout. And I just remember hearing them say, and they ran out of the dugout ran and chased me down and taught me the ground and beat me up really bad and you know I know in my adult life now as I remember their faces because they had this crazy look in their eye and they were laughing wildly. They kicked me in the stomach and pulled my hair out, but I mean I was humbled by these boys and that's just the little forefoot thing and I'm screaming and crying and never laughing and when they were done and it walked away laughing and my hair was snarled and my lip was fat and scratches on my face and my ribs hurt and I got up from that moment, and I heard in my ears. I can get to you anytime, anywhere and God will never stop me. It was like, in that moment. Just a fear for me as a child. I knew God was real and then I knew the enemies. That really fear God into me and has been something I have dealt with my whole life and come a long way I'm not the person I used to be but I am not a fearless person I've got ways to go other things happened in my adult years that sort of confirmed some fears for me. But God has been so faithful, those were two things that really impacted, how I saw myself how I saw the world and how I even now process information. 

KA Wow, I am so sorry that is. Incredibly traumatic, and I'm sure affected you greatly. Now, at what point did you become a person of faith in Jesus Christ.

SL So I, when I got into middle school. I got very busy as an athlete, as decent athlete. So I joined a special choir and I just sort of got busy so I could be both from late at school, to get home around the time that my mom got home, the voice of experience the first farmer from Arsenal my brother's creepy friends and I just wanted to be busy, but I also wanted to perform well enough to get my self out of the hole that I believed that I was in and I often say when I'm speaking at women's conferences. You just have to look at your first childhood memory of when you weren't enough. When you weren't safe. When you can see how he sees your potential long before you ever do. And when you see that first threat against you, you can know that your threat against him, is very connected to his threat against you. He's trying to take you out before you even know who you are and when you don't know who you are, you will misuse your time treasure and talent to prove something that Jesus has already proven in the middle school just doing with any insecure girl would do i mean i had decent gifts but I was just seriously using them trying to figure out the black hole that I was in 

And in eighth grade. Some girlfriends asked me to do a slumber party. And I was walking out the door and I was really super close with my mom and they all knew I was beat up. I came home beat up but they didn't know about the other trauma. So close with my mom and there's number of times I almost told her what happened with those boys but I didn't know that was my fault and I just, I thought it would affect our relationship and my dad was a public person. I was terrified it's just like I don't think I can say that out loud. So I was walking out the door to the slumber party. And my mom said just teasingly. Don't sneak out and meet boys and I stopped in my tracks, and I almost turned around and said, You have no idea. That is the last thing in the world that I would ever want to do not put myself in that. I mean I felt it in myself, when I stopped and I just couldn't I wasn't ready to tell her right okay. And so I go to the summer party we do the girl Do we are dancing to the Beach Boys. And then it probably was about 10pm the girls decided to sneak out the boys and it literally like just killed us, disrupting like I'm not I'm not doing that. And so I stayed back with the two girls who smoked. Way better. Didn't inhale or anything. They didn't even want to talk to me they were sitting over in their sleeping bags. They didn't want to go out and I was sitting in my seat bag across the room and they were mocking what they've heard in the Catholic school they attended the local parochial school and they were mocking what had been teaching about the book of Revelation. As you know seals are going to open up and as if and they were making fun. I had never heard before in my life. So I'm leaning in and listening, and I just, I was intrigued. 

GOD I KNOW YOU’RE REAL

So I went out. Under the Stars. And I just looked up to the sky and said God I know you're real. But if there's more to you than what I know will you make yourself real to me. And this is hilarious. This is what I said. Next, I'm going to start reading the Bible. I think it's kind of boring, but that's for me, rubbing his temples. I just like, you know, simple girl I just, you know, it was the Spirit of God telling me to look up because of the particular denomination. They didn't want you reading the Bible on your own. And they wanted to leave that for the local priest if I can just say that. I started to read the Bible, under my bed sheet with a flashlight, and I fell in love with Jesus, understood why there needed to be a penalty for sin because I felt like the worst sinner of them all, did not get enough of it and I telling you it's like, I, I must have asked him to save me 1000 times I knew I would say, but I didn't know that I was loved by them. 

Want to say is ninth or 10th grade. I learned about a Bible study in the next community, and I lied about my parents, going to the library. And so my mom would like I come home. She's like, how's the library and I'm like, this whole family needs the library. Library. But my mom was later on when I kind of came clean as an 18 year old how I've been covert Christian. She smacked me and teasingly just smack me wanting to sneak into a Bible study, you know, we just teased back and forth. But anyway, one by one by one. Most of my family is now saved by Wow. 

KELLY

Susie was fascinated by Jesus and Christianity, but it didn’t make her life perfect.

EVERYONE GETS TIRED OF ME

Now, if you jump ahead I'm a young mom I'm married my husband who was raised in a Christian home. And we had got pregnant, on our honeymoon. We weren't planning that we were gonna wait five years but through that pregnancy found out I had something called vittoriosa. You will need your, you will need hysterectomies and your your your kids now because this is really like aggressive form so with my number two son I was in bed for three months with my number three, son. I was in bed for six months ago I had a one and a three year old with six months of bed rest and we were dirt poor, we had no money, literally no money we had more medical debt than we had income. And I was, you know, so I'm telling my boys, you know, five more months till mommy can make your sandwiches. Till mommy can take you to the park and it was just the most disruptive time, and it was a time where I wasn't able to earn my way because what happened was from we went from high school performing I just wanted to Christianity in the same way I was on five committees I was super Christian and I was zealous I loved God I thought this was fruitful service. But underneath that was, I had earned my way through myself and that kind of thing so to be put in a position where I not only couldn't earn my way, but I was becoming in debt to everybody and they were all getting tired of me. My worst insecurity. 

So, about three months into my pregnancy on bedrest. The doctors said get up, let’s see how you do. Dr. Weiss. Met with my old college roommates. And we were just careful with the fall day we went for a walk. Very slowly had lunch, and I was back. That night, and within two weeks of that outing. Still on bedrest Of course, a friend came to visit and said, Hey, can I get you your water bottle and I pointed and pins and needles shot out of my arm. She kept talking and this buzzing numbing feeling started at the base of my skull and crawled around and started pulsating on my face. I got three months left on bed rest. And I've got neurological fireworks going off on my body and I already felt like God had lost my address. So, happened. I mean he just was silent, you know, and we were going broke and my friends had their health and their wealth and I didn't have either and to go from an overlapping six months in bedrest because of pregnancy to a potential neurological disease as a young 20s early 30s. I just couldn't fathom it. And long story short, there's so much more to it but I delivered, Jordan, three weeks early. And a year later, up and down my health plummeted and come up and then it would plummet again. They thought it was MS thought it was a brain tumor and then they. A year later found out it was Lyme disease. 

HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE LYME DISEASE

KELLY

For our listeners who don’t know what Lyme disease is, it is one of the strangest illnesses that exists because of how it is spread. It begins as a rash accompanied by fever and headache, but if it is not treated immediately, it can spread to the joints, heart, and nervous system, causing permanent damage. 

The crazy thing is that this awful disease is spread by ticks. That’s right, Susie’s battle with Lyme disease began with one single, tiny insect. And her symptoms would plague her for the rest of her life.

Susie realized, though, that this was anything but random. She remembered those words she had heard as a little girl, and she was stirred up to fight back.

I CAN GET YOU AT ANY TIME

So, the one day that I got up and dropped off. And what did I hear in my ear. I can get you any time. I will just tell you that is kind of my beginning years of my formative years as a safe person so if you read any of my books or listen to my show you will notice a fight language a little bit. You know, I've had to contend for the promises of God and it's lived long enough and watched them long enough to. I just know that that's true, right everybody has the same story, some have a worse story than mine but, but I have a great story because God's redeemed it and he's redeeming it. But what I do know is, you know, God does intend for us to flourish, but the enemy intends for us to be stolen from. So we've got to somehow someway not know who we are. And then say that thing is wanted for me. Kind of my story in a nutshell

GOD SHOWED UP

KA Wow, what I what I love is that God, drew you to himself in his word to prepare you for later on in life. And, in just such huge way. And so, and so you're a young mom, and you have Lyme disease, and three little ones. And so what was a little boys. Oh my goodness. So what. Yes, in lots of food boys like to eat mine. So, anyway, so tell me what life was like, with, with that,

SL you know, it was an army crawl for me and I want to tell you apart, there's so many places where God showed up. Like I remember before I got pregnant. Jordan my youngest. My middle son Luke 15 months old. We almost lost him to a respiratory viruses in the hospital for a week and they didn't know he was going to make it out and then I got pregnant. And so once I delivered Jordan, it was the dead of winter RSV the respiratory epidemic proportions at that time, and they said you've got a brand new baby, and you've got a toddler who we are still healing from that just nine months ago. So they said, Do not let anybody come visit us. That has even a remote cold. Because of this respiratory virus. Someone did with their child with three runny nose, and within a few days, Lukey was kind of in respiratory distress or his chest is contracting a lot is kind of breathing heavily, they normally would have admitted him but they said just in and out of the hospital with a new baby. We just think we're gonna have you treat him at home and we're gonna stay in touch with you so we had this little split entry house. And we Luke was in his little playpen with a steamer rolling in here Now keep in mind, neurological fireworks going off. I don't know what's wrong with me and so it's just sort of so much fear because neurological diseases are terrible, you know, but I would go down and disinfect my hands and change my shirt and it goes into the baby and then I sit in a rocking chair and I couldn't sleep because I was sitting in that and kind of doze every two hours up and down all day all night trying to keep these two separate caring for my sick baby and toddler and trying to keep my baby. Apart from him. After about three and a half weeks of sleep, you want a disease to have access to you. Right. But I'm like I cannot deal with that right now. One morning I went to get my little four week old out of his crib, and he was rattling and coughing felt like the heavens were silent over me like I could not figure out, and again, it was the contrast of my friends who had helped and both were taking the Case Closed. I really want to have not and I have God be so silent was like, and it was so new in my face that I just didn't understand that he was actually preparing me for this group came over and pulled up a guitar they circled around his little car seat we just put them in. And they laid hands on him and we were. I could feel the tangible presence of God. even if it was sort of by osmosis like, even if it's just spilling over on me I'm like, I'll take it and feel your presence. And so I'm sure if we were on a cusp of a miracle. The next morning, Jordan's lips from Blue from breathing labored. So I had to rush him to the ER and they admitted them two doors down from where Luke had been. And here is four weeks old and he's got double pneumonia and hook them all up and kept goes to call people to ask them to pray, and I'm in the dead of winter to my body is in some kind of crisis, I didn't know what, and I sit down just exhausted from not sleeping for a month. And all of a sudden something just poured over me joy and peace. Wow, I can't explain it like a supernatural. I was overcome by a moment of God. And I wrote in my journal, I don't know what this is but I'll take it. Well then I you jump ahead a year later, when they figured out it was Lyme disease and this was 30 years ago so they just didn't know what they were doing. And the home health care nurse came to my house and they put a shunt in my arm and they were hooking me up to IVs putting the bags in my fridge and your older style runs into the living room like a Speedy Gonzales system is divert and they're like, What's he doing alive. And she said, I take care of two women who were but during their pregnancy around the same time as you. When a year undiagnosed much like you both babies went blind and died. Oh, why, why is your life. If she said has he been sick at all. And I said yeah when he was four weeks old, he had double pneumonia she was what did they used to treat. And so I told her whatever the antibiotic an IV and steroid was and she said that saved his life. She said before you knew what you had. I was. I mean I guess I was shaking my fist at God, why am I. Why are you not talking to me, you know, why am I afraid to get the opposite. And, I mean, to tell you that was such a moment it just my knees buckled, and I just thought Oh my word we don't know what we don't know God redeemed that his little life, you know, Marvel and that is just true across the board. He's always kinder than we know and always more involved.

WHAT IS HE DOING ALIVE

KA Wow. That is incredible. I yeah he's, he was working and you had no idea what he was protecting you uh that's fabulous. So you went on to be a mom of three boys. And so when did your ministry life begin  writing and all that, 

SL you know, Lyme wiped out my short term memory so I did. I came into marriage with all this passion and I'm a doer and a task person so I had all kinds of ideas and ambitions, but just sort of living for Jesus in exciting ways and being involved in whatever he's doing on the earth. And when this thing happened to be sort of wiped me out and I know the short term memory issue for me I've literally lost any kind of vision we're just thinking more companies live long enough to do my voice. And you know, because Lyme back then. They didn't know about it. In the symptoms are so wild and crazy from one person to the next. You know, there were some who’d judge me and thought I was being a hypochondriac and I just absolutely not I mean, just give me 10 minutes of me feeling good I'm gonna make something. I don't need something to get people's attention so it was so painful that people would make that assessment, but others just knew we were crawling and trying to make make of it and I just couldn't call in from favor so I just tried to. I'd lay on the floor with my boys and let them play around we did my best to get through the days. And in that place, a woman from our church called. And she said, I've been hearing the chatter about you on both sides that she said, and I just needed to know for myself. God, what are you doing with this family, what are you doing with this woman. And I can almost hear her leaned into the speaker on her phone and she was Susie Larson. Listen to me. She said, as I brought you before the Lord. He showed me a picture of a platform that he's building when you're going to speak from something that she said lean in and learn everything you can, because you're going to have a story to tell. Wow, and it was like God dropped a truth bomb into my spirit and never even occurred to me that he was up to some things I just wasn't seasoned enough as a believer and I didn't have anybody, telling me such things, you know. And for me, I was like learning everything for the first time, but when she said that I knew it was true and I remember around that time, but we're really broke through the silence and said Susie Are you a believer just because you've secured your eternity or are you a believer, because you actually believe that stuff like when are you going to shift your weight onto the promises this evening hold. And don't you know that faith and fear are opposing forces that you have to turn your back on wanting to hold the other and it was like this defining moment for me or I thought, I've got to stand on the promises, even when they don't feel true and they so did not feel true. And I actually got worse before I got better, but it's forged something in me I The more I stood them stronger my spirit got my soul God, even though my face was going numb and the room was spinning. But I got through it. And out of that after I gotten that call. I don't remember how much time it could have been one so I don't know, but somebody calls from a mom's group and says, you come and share how you're keeping the faith. And while I was still sick. I had my three little ducklings until they had holey jeans before that was a thing and we and I sat down and I just felt like I was honest I've got more questions for the answers but this is what I know to be true and I just did not think it was that great, but that's sort of how it evolved it kind of emerged out of the ashes. And then in due time writing, and then do time radio and that's just a longer story but the Lord really did that and I'll just add one last thing is, as I was starting to emerge. I started to see a lot of celebrity Christianity emerged as well in the 80s and 90s. It was not behaving to me just like I do, where he rescued me from, really. I've been very, very adverse reaction to that thing I really distance myself from that. Wonderful to where you're a calling that fits, who I am and how I am.

OUT OF THE ASHES

KA Yes. That's incredible. So what is your life like today,

SL most of my time goes to radio I have a daily talk show. God because I am an introvert and I love to read. And so I'm reading a good five books a week interview five guests a week you know, and reading a good portion of each of those books and that brain work is super good for me anyway. So I worked recorded time for a network radio network. I still write books. So I just finished my 18th book, which will come out next fall so I just had one come up in the past. 65 days. It's wonderful. The third thing that I do. But I keep an eye on the tightest leash so I am with the National Agency and, but I probably will tell you I say no to maybe 10 or 10. Just because I still have some physical challenges. Super discipline and I work out. Almost every day so very healthy and by all accounts, I am very healthy but I still deal with inflammation. Radio and writing I can do from my home and we still go out because we see incredible ministry that happens, but I just have to keep it for the sake of my health. Yes.

KA And so what gave you hope. In all, you know, looking back on your life, and all of that, that has happened to you What gave you hope during all those times.

SL God's word. and the times that he broke the silence you know there was one. One moment, when. And during the line. In the early years, when I would lie in bed at night, and that was always my worst time because that's a new neurological symptoms would flare there was one night where it felt like someone's put a spear through my leg and excruciating I'm like, This is so weird, you know, fear was always just a thing for me. And I remember, begging God every night, please. Just to let me be a mom to these kids helped me overcome and I begged them and it was just like, bounce off the ceiling and seemed every night. And one night, Lord broke his silence and said if I healed you. Would you praise me. He wouldn't be able to shut me up I would praise you till the cows come home. When you praise me because I'm worthy to be praised because I gave my one and only Son to do it for you or would you just praise me because she got away. I, as a young believer. And it was like my life path before my eyes and real like a movie reel and I realized, again I knew I was saved I just didn't know I was loved and so when you don't know your love life becomes all about you because selfishness, or insecurities is another form of selfishness. And so I saw for me. How so much of what I had done even my good things which are rescued my sense of self. And if I could share this poem that he gave me that I hope I can do it from memory give a second for me to share. Absolutely, yes. I both liked it I titled it a time for everything help I can remember now. I walked through many storms. My prayers were filled with tears. The enemy was so big, confirming all my fears to a district God, I would ever cry, just wanting an answer, always asking why yet heard it not from him, nor his angels was all that I could do his role to keep on playing. Then suddenly one night beckoned him to be so real that I could feel him he finally spoke to me, said he, my daughter Susie I love you with my life. No more would I ever hurt us and be the cause of your strife. You see it's not my hand that's delivered all this pain, but it's true. My hand is there to hold yours and it's something Holman according to their needs. Instead of praise and faith, they ask and beg and plead. I am a god and doesn't change with time, nor change, I would. I don't have to explain myself, nor give you detailed reasons. I've given all that I could give when I gave to you my son. I emptied out myself for you as if you were the only one. What I do I do for you because I love you so what I allow I allow for you because I want you to grow in faith, praise and trust, you will find your strong. When demands are replaced by a space of praise. It is there you'll find peace, where there once was strife, and it'll be just enough to have me in your life. And it was that moment of that I literally had a T shirt on and I tore it and rolled onto the floor onto my face and I forgot I really do hate, I hate this I love my husband I love my kids but I hate my life I hate. But I love you. And whatever you say goes because you're not only my secret. You're my Lord, if you don't need any explanation. I'm not going to shake my fist at you I submit to ruin my life. It was like this moment where the kingdom entered my soul, and I started to see myself in a bigger story and it just wasn't about me anymore. And there were moments like that Kelly, come over and over again, where God would break through and confront something in my core beliefs about my, my view, or my, my story, and just like he grabbed my chin and built it up and give me enough rock under my feet to keep climbing and keep going, and he's so great. He's so loving he's 30. He's so profound, and you know we're all work in progress is so patient and he travels with us. That's what keeps me going is his presence and his work the way that he is with us. 

KA Amazing. Incredible. So what would you like people to take away from your story.

GOD IS GOOD AND HIS PROMISES ARE TRUE

SL This is what I say all the time that God is good and promises are true. And he will always make a way for you. That's just true. We have these expectations of how we want life to go on this earth and one at a time a nice little. Earth is a blip on the screen Eternity is forever. We need to expect that we will have trials, we're gonna have trouble at any gospel that tells you that this is your best life here and now is not the gospel I mean you look in Scripture and the New Testament suffering is just part of it. There's not one here that you said that isn't collected in a bottle, not one step of faith that God will not reward, and he moves on every act prompted by our faith. So our faith is more precious than gold in Scripture talks about that your private struggle for faith. We're really worthy public honors, because there's a day when God honors you before watching worlds and claims you as his own. So all those private struggles, they matter. Keep walking. And keep trusting, but don't look at this life to get all of your story, tied up in a nice bow because there's just some answers that are too glorious for this world, and those are the things we're going to see unfold. I believe in the very near future. Yes.

KA Well thank you so much and Prevail is available now at, at any bookstore.

SL Well, let me say it's sold out on the date. So, before shipment coming in from overseas. You're not going to believe it, but it was coming over on the ship and the storm hit, and 100 cargo units, ended up in the seat, they tell us that prevail did prevail somewhere. So there's literally between my first shipment and the second, and we're supposed to be seeing it sometime mid to end of December, but I do know Amazon still has copies, okay only place that I think has any copies left. so if you want to buy Christmas for before, you definitely want to you want to get it.

KA Okay, well I think it's incredible yeah I've been reading it and it has touched my heart so much, and I thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is such a testament to what God can do and how he can bring life, even in those dark places that he drew you to himself and I thank you so much for sharing that and your, your tender part of your story. Thank you so much and. 

KA Is there anything else you want to add. 

SL Thank you, Kelly for what you're doing and how you really are helping to bring the kingdom, you know by helping testify to God's good stories. I just honored the gift of God and you Thanks for having me today. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.